A Different Perspective

Image result

I went to see “Field of Dreams” at our local cinema this week. I had a vague recollection of seeing this movie when it first came out in 1989. I knew, “If you build it they will come,” and that it was about fulfilling your destiny. But, as I watched the movie I sat and cried through the whole ending. It was so much more.

Many of you may know my mother gave us a bit of a scare earlier this month. Her thyroid is not working correctly and it mainly is effecting her heart. While my daughter and I were there to visit with my Dad and her I remembered times where she was taking care of her mother, my grandmother.

At the time I was young-ish, just out of college. As most of us that age, I knew everything (I still do but we won’t get into that now!). I thought my mother did a good job with Grandma but could have done better. Distance and naivety certainly led to my conclusions. Why wasn’t she taking better care of her? Why were these things happening to her? Why aren’t you doing more?

Now as I sit on the other side looking back I understand. You do what you have to do in the moment. There is a vague plan but the minute you think you have it down the plan needs to change to envelope a new doctor, a new medicine, new symptoms, or a new personality inserting themselves into the situation.

My mother would spend 12 hours or so every day with my grandmother until the time she went into the nursing home.  She was tired and raw. My grandmother no longer knew her and would say horrible things to her and about her. In your heart you know it is no longer your mother inside but as I see more and more family members go through this transition it still hurts when those you love hurl insults at you.

So, as we start to make the change into the next phase in life I need to remember all these things.

In the movie they talk about regrets but I prefer to look back and see history. These are the things that made us who we are. Choices, both good and maybe not so good (I don’t like the word bad), created me. My thoughts, my emotions are driven by those choices. So, I will look back with understanding and acknowledge that we can only make the choices we do based on where we are in that moment. Good or not so good it is our history.

10 Comments Add yours

  1. syl65 says:

    Thank you for sharing this, Marci. I do believe all we have is this moment in this day and we live with the choices we make in each moment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you, Sylvester! You are so right.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. syl65 says:

        You’re welcome and I have been on the receiving end of some harsh words so I understand.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Erika Kind says:

    That’s so true. We can only decide from what we know now and with all the information we have collected about something particular in that very moment. Things may look different in a while but that doesn’t make a decision more right or wrong. We need to decide now and now is all we have!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you, Erika!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Erika Kind says:

        You are so welcome. Big hugs your way, Marci!!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. janowrite says:

    I loved that film. Your essay is so apt. And synchronistic, too: it was very good to read at this particular time. Thank you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Big hugs to you Marci. It isn’t easy but you do what you have to and what you can. Stay strong my friend. Cry when you need to. It really helps some times .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you. It is so hard having them so far away when things come up like her going to the ER last night because of an allergic reaction to a new medication.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.