I went to see “Field of Dreams” at our local cinema this week. I had a vague recollection of seeing this movie when it first came out in 1989. I knew, “If you build it they will come,” and that it was about fulfilling your destiny. But, as I watched the movie I sat and cried through the whole ending. It was so much more.
Many of you may know my mother gave us a bit of a scare earlier this month. Her thyroid is not working correctly and it mainly is effecting her heart. While my daughter and I were there to visit with my Dad and her I remembered times where she was taking care of her mother, my grandmother.
At the time I was young-ish, just out of college. As most of us that age, I knew everything (I still do but we won’t get into that now!). I thought my mother did a good job with Grandma but could have done better. Distance and naivety certainly led to my conclusions. Why wasn’t she taking better care of her? Why were these things happening to her? Why aren’t you doing more?
Now as I sit on the other side looking back I understand. You do what you have to do in the moment. There is a vague plan but the minute you think you have it down the plan needs to change to envelope a new doctor, a new medicine, new symptoms, or a new personality inserting themselves into the situation.
My mother would spend 12 hours or so every day with my grandmother until the time she went into the nursing home. She was tired and raw. My grandmother no longer knew her and would say horrible things to her and about her. In your heart you know it is no longer your mother inside but as I see more and more family members go through this transition it still hurts when those you love hurl insults at you.
So, as we start to make the change into the next phase in life I need to remember all these things.
In the movie they talk about regrets but I prefer to look back and see history. These are the things that made us who we are. Choices, both good and maybe not so good (I don’t like the word bad), created me. My thoughts, my emotions are driven by those choices. So, I will look back with understanding and acknowledge that we can only make the choices we do based on where we are in that moment. Good or not so good it is our history.