Cutting Back: When They Want You to be with Them


Letchworth Park - Giant Chair

Last week I took my son to his weekly cello lesson.  I usually  drop him off at the start of  his lesson, go to a meeting for an Events Committee, leave the meeting a bit early and head out to my daughter’s dance lesson while my partner leaves work to go pick our son up from his lesson and then they head home. I thought this was great. I can fit it all in and everyone gets to where they need to go. It is a typical week day evening schedule in our house. But, this day I didn’t have a meeting so I stayed at his lesson.  When he was done I was talking to his teacher and found out that he has been without his notebook, where they keep track of what he is working on and what he should be practicing, for two weeks. And, he had lost three sets of new music. I knew NOTHING about this.

As with many children with Autism he has HUGE organizational (Executive Functioning Disorder) skill problems. We are continually working on them but if I don’t know something is happening I can not help him work on fixing it. He and I talked on the way home where it could be and how we would look for it before his next lesson and going forward how we can work on taking care of his music.

He then looked at me and said, “I like it when you stay at my lesson. I don’t like it when you leave.”

That set me back on my heels. He usually doesn’t like having me around. I am not the preferred parent for him. He and I butt heads quite often. So, I had to start thinking, what am I doing? He wants me to be with him. He is a 13 year-old boy and he is not going to want me around much longer. But, now that he is asking for me I am starting to look at things and see where I can cut back.

First thing is not being on so many committees, a board member, executive committee member and all around volunteer at a couple other places, plus working tax season. So, I will drop one committee for now. The one that took the most time and kept me from staying at his cello lessons. We will see how this goes and maybe I will slowly wind down another thing or two.

I won’t have my baby boy forever. One day soon he will look at me and say, “Please, go back to work.” But, for now I will be happy he wants me around and take all the time I can get.

34 Comments Add yours

  1. Elizabeth says:

    My sons are now 33 and 32. You’re right to cherish the time you have with your kids now. It goes by in the blink of an eye and then it’s you asking to spend time with them.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      I am looking down the road and know my time is limited.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. spearfruit says:

    So sweet he said those words to you, what a moment for you – yes, take the time to be with him – he certainly is worth it. Lovely post. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you so very much!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Mine are 35, and 27. #1 Grandson is already 4! Enjoy this time with your son for as long as he wants/needs you! You’re right he won’t always want you to stay at the lessons. They grow up too fast!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you. I know it will be here far too soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You are right, how can you fix what you don’t know is broken? I’m glad the teacher said something to you. Enjoy your precious time with your boy! It will be gone before you know it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      I plan on enjoying as much time with him as I can! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. David says:

    My younger son has ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome. He is 28 now and, more or less, on his own. Organizationally, he was a train wreck. But he made it through high school. He got interested in CADD, Computer Assisted Drafting and Design and is now a certified CADD’er. He is also very musical, playing piano. He turned out OK.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      It is wonderful to hear positive stories of kids who are doing well. Thank you! His grades are either 100 or 0. 100 when he turns the work in and on all his tests, 0 when he doesn’t turn it in. Makes me shake my head.

      Like

      1. David says:

        I hear you. If he liked something, he was all in. If not, nothing. Numerically or musically or visually, yes, word stuff, no. I still have to remind him to call or text me.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. koolaidmoms says:

          This made me smile. Sounds just like my son.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. David says:

            Yes. My son gets love and caring on a different level. But it’s there with him. And he responds to the love we show him.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. David says:

              My post Birthday Extravaganza is about him and his dog.

              Liked by 1 person

              1. koolaidmoms says:

                We take my son on vacation or invite his whole Science Olympiad team because their state competition is on his birthday.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. David says:

                  Back in the day Chad did FIRST Robotics. Your son is not quite at high school but Robotics was great for him.

                  Like

  6. Jessica says:

    What a sweet story. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you.

      Like

  7. stephleo says:

    Thanks for sharing. Enjoy every minute! I have two teenagers and some days they love me. Other days, they don’t. On the days they actually ask me to do something with them, I try to drop everything else. I realize these days are now very few and far between : )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you. Right there with you. Loving the moments they still want me around.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Definitely making an effort to be there for your son, is the most important thing you can do! Elizabeth from the Comfortable Coop suggested we come visit. Here I am!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you for coming over! Heading to your blog now!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww, thanks for the return visit!

        Liked by 1 person

  9. justwritepeach says:

    So great. It is so great to hear kids are doing great.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you so very much!

      Like

  10. Tareau Barron says:

    At times it feels like a unsaid competition that many of us parents with kids on the spectrum face with committees and organizations. I’m happy you are cherishing time with your family

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you! I will!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Tikeetha T says:

    Love seeing and learning that I’m not alone and how other mothers balance being there for their children and the never ending list of responsibilities. I like that you are going to be there for him because eventually he will say “Mom, I don’t want you to stay.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you! I know that last sentence is going to come far too soon and I want to enjoy all the time I can with him.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Lacey says:

    That is so sweet. I hope my baby boy still wants me around for ANYTHING when he’s 13.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you. He usually doesn’t prefer I be the involved parent so I am eating this up.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Yes! So true. I definitely stop and listen when I hear those words from any of my kids!! Good job.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you. It is tough saying no to prior commitments but it is harder to let my kids down.

      Liked by 1 person

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