My Mother’s Day Journey


My daughter next to the Cinderella Wishing Well in Magic Kingdom.

For many years I hated Mother’s Day. I thought my body hated me, God hated me, and life was just not fair. I ached to be a mom. Every Mother’s Day as we sat in church and they passed out flowers to all the moms I would sit and sob silently hoping no one would look at me. Even Christmas was painful. Mary was good enough to become pregnant with Jesus. I wasn’t good enough.  I couldn’t carry a child.

I had to make peace with my body, with my heart, and my mind. I remember standing in next to the Cinderella Wishing Well in Magic Kingdom almost 20 years ago now. I tossed coins in every wishing well and fountain I passed all the time with always the same wish, “I want to be a mom.” This time was different though. As I tossed the coins into the fountain I suddenly felt a very calm feeling come over me instead of the wracking sobs that usually accompanied these moments.

I suddenly heard in my head “You can be a mother. You just need to give up control.” I turned and said, “It is okay now. ” All during these five years we talked about how my partner never really had a desired to carry a child. She wanted children but I was the one who had the overwhelming desire to carry them. As time wore on she told me that if we decided that she needed to carry the child she would but that I had to be ready for that and that I needed to be to a point to be okay with her carrying them.

We stood at that fountain talking for quite a while that how when we went home we would call the doctor and begin the process for her to carry the child. We didn’t know how it would go but I was now willing to give up control. This was February and by August she was pregnant. Thankfully she loved being pregnant and I was over joyed at the idea of becoming a mom. I may not have carried my children in my body but I carried them in my heart before they were born.

I am their Mom.

To each person who carries the title Mom, Like a Mom, My Other Mom, or fulfills those roles I wish you Happy Mother’s Day. To those still struggling to become a mom I hold you in my heart and wish you peace and hope in your journey.

24 Comments Add yours

  1. Happy Mother’s Day!!! Glad you got your wish 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Happy Mother’s Day Marci!💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you so much!

      Like

  3. Happy Mother’s Day. You are one awesome mother!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Awe, thank you!

      Like

  4. Happy Mother’s Day. What a very special wish to come true. I will always be thankful for becoming a mom, it is my favorite gift of all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you! Happy Mother’s Day to you too!

      Like

  5. Happy Mother’s Day to you and your partner. The world is lucky to have mothers like you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you so much!

      Like

  6. mistimaan says:

    Happy mothers day

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Erika Kind says:

    This is such a poignant story, Marci. Since I am a mom myself and also it took me a while until I became pregnant I understand the longing and also sadness. It is an extremely profound insight in order to let go of that deep wish and still understand that you did never have to let go at all. This story may help many people to make peace with what is and find ways to still have and become what they dream of. Happy Mother’s Day, Marci!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you, Erika! Happy Mother’s Day to you Too! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Erika Kind says:

        Thank you very much, Marci 💖

        Like

  8. Beautiful blessings! Happy Mother day!

    Like

  9. RobbyeFaye says:

    Wow! Thank you for sharing!
    Blessings~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. RobbyeFaye says:

        You are welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. What a totally beautiful story!!!!! Happy mother’s day Marci!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you, Lynn!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. God works in mysterious ways, Marci. It is wonderful that you got your wish to become a mother.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you! I truly am blessed.

      Liked by 1 person

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