Saturday Musings: 2

This is a year of significant birthdays in our house. I am the only one in our house who doesn’t have a birthday during this six week period. My baby boy turns 18 and my big girl turns 21 this year! The passage of time has never really bothered me until recently. I always tried to enjoy where my children were each year of their lives. I didn’t talk of the Terrible Twos or the Three-nagers because I tried to celebrate all the new things life was opening for them each year. Yes, there were tough times and some trying moments but I tried to love almost all of it. But, this year is tough. For the first time I am looking backwards and realizing just how fast it all went. Everyone says it goes fast but I know when we were in the middle of some of the tougher times with my son I thought it would never end. But, it does.

I have been thinking how relieved I was when my son was diagnosed, finally, at 4 with autism. I remember sitting in the Developmental Psychologist’s office and crying when I told him I was worried that he was going to tell me nothing was wrong with my son and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was at the end of my rope and just wanted an answer to what was happening with him. Nothing made any sense.

Now, I am sitting and analyzing everything over the years now. Was I too short in my tone when I was exasperated by his endless questions and curiosity? How could I have had more patience when his verbosity had me on the ropes? When items were broken and I sighed a little too loudly about another broken door, wall, chair…. they were only items. I should have hugged more and gritted my teeth less. So, many things I would love to go back and change now but it is too late. I did the best with what I knew and could do then. I wish I was doing it all now because we know so much more about Autism, ADHD, and a bit of ODD.

Ah, but this is not the time to spend looking back. Let me focus on the future. Looking for the sunshine on these cloudy, moody days.

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Carol anne says:

    Happy birthday to your son and daughter! They are reaching big milestones!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you!

      Like

  2. BERNADETTE says:

    Major milestones always cause mothers to look back and wonder if they could have done better. For a period of time you gets the “ove’s” disease – should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, etc. Try instead to reflect back on the times with your children that you all laughed together. Because that is what your children will remember best. My oldest is 47. I speak from experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Thank you! I need to practice doing that.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. BERNADETTE says:

        I hope I didn’t overstep any boundaries here. When you have lived a long time you become too free with the advise.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. koolaidmoms says:

          Not at all! I love hearing all points of view. Thank you! 😊

          Like

  3. My older son is also 18. He achieved this milestone in February. He also suffers from these three disorders and I also went through very difficult times. He was also diagnosed at four.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. koolaidmoms says:

      Small world. It was tough at times but I wouldn’t give it up for anything. He just called me from the store getting cupcake toppers for his birthday. He chose plastic sheriff’s badges and gold coins. He is so happy and that warms my heart.

      Like

  4. Pat says:

    Just catching up on emails since vacation. Your story is heart wrenching, Marci, and so inspirational for G’s cousin KC, now ll , and our entire family. We all do the best of our ability for the times, bearing in mind our many human imperfections. It is when the results become more clear, the stress eases, and we age with wisdom, that we start to look back and beat ourselves up. I still do it; I still have regrets.I still want to go back and try harder, And they seem to love me even when I don’t love myself. What more can a mother ask? Have a blessed week. . .

    Liked by 1 person

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