This is a year of significant birthdays in our house. I am the only one in our house who doesn’t have a birthday during this six week period. My baby boy turns 18 and my big girl turns 21 this year! The passage of time has never really bothered me until recently. I always tried to enjoy where my children were each year of their lives. I didn’t talk of the Terrible Twos or the Three-nagers because I tried to celebrate all the new things life was opening for them each year. Yes, there were tough times and some trying moments but I tried to love almost all of it. But, this year is tough. For the first time I am looking backwards and realizing just how fast it all went. Everyone says it goes fast but I know when we were in the middle of some of the tougher times with my son I thought it would never end. But, it does.
I have been thinking how relieved I was when my son was diagnosed, finally, at 4 with autism. I remember sitting in the Developmental Psychologist’s office and crying when I told him I was worried that he was going to tell me nothing was wrong with my son and I didn’t know what I was going to do. I was at the end of my rope and just wanted an answer to what was happening with him. Nothing made any sense.
Now, I am sitting and analyzing everything over the years now. Was I too short in my tone when I was exasperated by his endless questions and curiosity? How could I have had more patience when his verbosity had me on the ropes? When items were broken and I sighed a little too loudly about another broken door, wall, chair…. they were only items. I should have hugged more and gritted my teeth less. So, many things I would love to go back and change now but it is too late. I did the best with what I knew and could do then. I wish I was doing it all now because we know so much more about Autism, ADHD, and a bit of ODD.
Ah, but this is not the time to spend looking back. Let me focus on the future. Looking for the sunshine on these cloudy, moody days.